Motherhood... what a rollercoaster of emotions!
It's not always the fairy tale that it's portrayed. I mean no one makes out that motherhood is easy, in fact they are quick to tell you of the sleepless nights, the several changes of nappies (and clothes) each day and the fact that you are likely to spend many of your days without a shower and still in your pyjamas by midday but they tell you it's all ok because the difficulties are far outweighed by the overwhelming love they feel when they see their child for the first time. In that moment they realise their purpose for being on this earth. But no one mentions or prepares you for is the havoc motherhood plays with your emotions during those newborn weeks. The questions you will ask yourself, the feelings you will experience both good and bad and the loss of identity which I am sure most mothers feel at some point during those early weeks.
However, I here to reassure you that it's ok not to love motherhood or your baby straight away, it's ok to question whether you made the right decision in becoming a mother, to want your old life back and to crave some time alone even if it is in the first few weeks and also ok to have a complete identity crises and wonder who on earth you are now. How do I know this? Because it is absolutely how I felt during those first few weeks of becoming a mother and until I opened up to others, I felt like I was an awful person not to mention a terrible mother. It was only when I started to talk to other mothers about how felt that many told me that what I was feeling was entirely normal and most had in fact felt the same way too and that other new mum's also felt the same but felt to ashamed to say it as they felt they were alone.
I mean it makes sense really, how many new jobs have you started particular those which include a step up the corporate ladder only to wonder within a few weeks the job starts to feel hard, you feel out of your depth and you question whether you should carry on. Usually this comes because you are being pushed out of your comfort zone. Parenting is the same, only it is the only job which requires zero training in advance. On speaking with others and from my own experience I've realised love comes with time and connection grows as you and your baby get to know each other better. It's also extremely normal to want time to yourself to do unmumsy things.... just because you become a mother does not mean that your life has to be put on hold the only difference is that now you have another part to you and your life. Feeling this way doesn't make you a bad mother, it just makes you human.
So why do other mums not mention this when they speak of their fairy tale love stories, I suspect the reason no one mentions this is that after a period of time the initial thoughts are in fact replaced with that overwhelming sense of love which has developed. As mother's start to find their feet in what works for them and become more confident in their ability and their decisions, they forget how difficult those first few weeks were. So if you are struggling in the first few weeks of motherhood, do speak out whether it be to a friend, a colleague, a family member, other new mum, health visitor or GP as you are likely to hear that what you are feeling is normal, help is available and with time, it all gets easier, that bond will come and you too will begin to forget just how difficult those first few weeks were.
The Juggling Lawyer.